There is something that my husband and I have been talking about for days…weeks…years… It is one of those questions that you really wish someone would answer for you. I have hoped that God would open up the clouds and with a bold voice say….this is what you need to do….
Well, that has not happened. This question has been on my heart so much and when I find myself starring off into space and daydreaming, this is what I am thinking about. I have not prayed about it like I should. Sometimes I forget to pray. I know that God knows my thoughts and heart and He knows the questions I would be asking. But, I know deep down inside that I should have prayed more about it.
The question is…How many children we wish to have?
Does anyone really know the answer to this question?
I was at Bible study this week and the leader said that even before her and her husband got married that she made him promise that after two kids he would get a vasectomy. I sat there and just thought to myself, “Wow…just wow!”
My husband and I always wanted a house full of kids. We wanted five or six (or maybe 4). I really cannot remember the magic number that we used to have for ourselves. I just remember some family members laughing at our plans for such a large family. We both love kids and they bring us such joy. Hearing the giggles of my little girls is the best sound in the entire world. I love them so much that my heart could explode.
Recently life has gotten simpler in many ways. With the girls growing they depend on me less for their every need. Turkey 2 can dress herself and picks out her clothes, Turkey 1 will be potty trained soon (I hope), and during the day they play with each other so much that I can actually drink a lukewarm cup of coffee instead of an ice cold one. We have been able to do more things as a family and we were busy all summer visiting places and exploring. So, with life getting easier do we really want to go back to bottles, teething and hauling around huge diaper bags. I was not sure for a long time.
Then it happened…baby fever. Friends having babies! I miss the cuddles, the smells, watching a little baby hit milestones and changing into an amazing little ball of personality. My heart started to ache and so did my husbands…
If we were the couple that could have one good night of sex and get pregnant our lives would already be filled with many babies I feel. However, it is not that fun or easy for us. So, now we have to decide do we try to adopt again or do we try IVF. It is no secret that I hate IVF more than anything in the world. The shots, the weight gain, the hormones, the doctor appointments, the miscarriages…well you get the point.
Adoption is not easy either…waiting to match, waiting for the baby to be born, the huge fear that the momma will change her mind, the not being in control of what your baby is fed during pregnancy (is the birth mom drinking or smoking), and not knowing how the doctor’s visits are going.
After months of thinking and praying, we have decided to get a consultation with an IVF doctor. We chose IVF over adoption because of our age. I will turn 34 this year and my odds of IVF ever working will go down a lot with my age. So, does mean we will not adopt again…no. Does this mean IVF will work…no. However, this does mean that we want more children and we are going to ride out this crazy life and see what God has in store for us.
We have our appointment next week…here we go again is all I can say right now…