False Hope?

I have been sitting her writing and deleting, writing and deleting, writing and deleting….

So, we had our appointment at the new IVF clinic yesterday. It was a good appointment and just what we needed to be able to move forward. We were told many new things that we needed to hear.

  1. We were referred to a doctor at Cornell for my husband’s MESA surgery. We were told that this doctor is the best and has the best results. This sounds promising and my husband as already called for his first phone appointment.
  2. We were informed that during all of my fresh cycles that my estrogen was allowed to get too high. Actually all of my medications were prescribed at very high dosages (so I would create a lot of eggs) but in turn all the eggs were not the best quality. So, she would dose my medications differently and also watch my levels more diligently.
  3. She would prescribe me a medication to drop my insulin amount. Too much insulin effects many things in the body and she thinks this will help the quality of my embryos.
  4. I would take a blood thinner. She does this for all IVF cycles, even for women without a blood clotting disorder.
  5. I would take Menopur. I was not given this medication during my second and third fresh cycles.
  6. She would not let me stimulate for as long as I was allowed to before. This will help my eggs and embryo quality.
  7. She would prescribe injections for progesterone, not the vaginal cream.

The most interesting information that we were given was that my biopsy on my uterine lining was performed wrong. So, I was put through the pain of the test for nothing. During this test, the doctor struggled to get a sample and it took several tries. Mid way through she discovered it was because of faulty equipment. What a bad memory…

So, is all of this false hope…do we have better chances…

What is meant to happen will happen. We will see.

 

Reality sets in….

If this was easy…everyone would do it…

Some days you wake up and you know what is on your plate for the day and you think…maybe I will just stay in bed. Adulting is just not fun.

For the past 45 minutes or so I have been on the website for an IVF clinic filling out my health history. I have been trying to remember dates, cycles, medications, etc. All of these answers I am struggling to determine refer to the past IVF cycles that I endured. I do not like reliving a painful past, however, it is needed. The most frustrating part is that I know someone where in my house I have my medical records. They have been floating around my house for 2 years and today I cannot find them anywhere. UGH!!

I am not excited about starting this journey. I thought I would be when my husband and I talked about it. However, paperwork, doubts, memories of painful miscarriages are all coming back. I know what I am about to put my body through. I know what the shots and medications are going to do to me. I just am so….blah about it.

One of my biggest concerns right now is who is going to watch my children while I go to the appointments in the future. I can take them with me when getting my blood drawn, but I cannot imagine taking them with me when I am on a table, spread wide eagle, and waiting for the tech to do a vaginal ultrasound. So, I am going to need to find a sitter to watch my kids during the day…not easy.

If I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel…that this just might work…that this is not all for nothing…then I would not be sick to my stomach and fighting back tears….

I am trying to ignore the signs…it took me two weeks to make an appointment for the clinic, I cannot find my medical records, and I cannot find a sitter…

One day at a time…one hour at a time…one minute at a time…

I can do this!!!