Reality sets in….

If this was easy…everyone would do it…

Some days you wake up and you know what is on your plate for the day and you think…maybe I will just stay in bed. Adulting is just not fun.

For the past 45 minutes or so I have been on the website for an IVF clinic filling out my health history. I have been trying to remember dates, cycles, medications, etc. All of these answers I am struggling to determine refer to the past IVF cycles that I endured. I do not like reliving a painful past, however, it is needed. The most frustrating part is that I know someone where in my house I have my medical records. They have been floating around my house for 2 years and today I cannot find them anywhere. UGH!!

I am not excited about starting this journey. I thought I would be when my husband and I talked about it. However, paperwork, doubts, memories of painful miscarriages are all coming back. I know what I am about to put my body through. I know what the shots and medications are going to do to me. I just am so….blah about it.

One of my biggest concerns right now is who is going to watch my children while I go to the appointments in the future. I can take them with me when getting my blood drawn, but I cannot imagine taking them with me when I am on a table, spread wide eagle, and waiting for the tech to do a vaginal ultrasound. So, I am going to need to find a sitter to watch my kids during the day…not easy.

If I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel…that this just might work…that this is not all for nothing…then I would not be sick to my stomach and fighting back tears….

I am trying to ignore the signs…it took me two weeks to make an appointment for the clinic, I cannot find my medical records, and I cannot find a sitter…

One day at a time…one hour at a time…one minute at a time…

I can do this!!!

 

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